(Written by jom)
Takaku Fuke vs. Kinya Hashimoto
Such a powerful mindset Tsubasa Shiratori must have to book a show to start with genuine MMA pioneer Takaku Fuke taking on a parody Shinya Hashimoto (complete with black tape on the side of his face to emulate Shinya's famous sideburns). Truly, maybe one of the most fun ways a show could start is a parody of a fake shooter getting dogwalked by a very real shooter. Just to get across how this match was seemingly gonna flow, Fuke not only ignored Kinya's handshake offer, but hit him with one of the hardest side-eyes I've ever seen:
Of course, this was very much controlled by Fuke, with him absolutely laying into Kinya with some disgusting knees and kicks (at one point throwing a knee so hard at Kinya that it knocked his wig off). Fuke's really one of the more under-appreciated shooters of his era, and a lot of his work on the Kansai sleaze scene really goes to show that he could absolutely destroy anyone in the ring with him. However, Kinya actually got some of his own offense in, and his offense was actually pretty damn good! He threw some sweet kicks and actually had a mean german suplex on him, culminating in the awesome bridging german shown below.
As expected however, no matter how great Kinya's german suplexes and kicks were, they were no match for Fuke's legitimate ass-kicking cred, and he ended up getting the win shortly after this with a deep fujiwara armbar. I went into this match thinking it would probably not be much to talk about by the end, but I was pleasantly surprised by just how good Kinya did. A really hard-hitting match and a great way to start off the show.
Rating: B
Hideki Shioda vs. Mambo Shintaro
After the last match, I personally wouldn't wanna be one of the two people that have to follow up such a killer opener. The ones here to do that are Hideki Shioda and Mambo Shintaro. Shioda has been around for a while and has worked in a ton of different places, from BJW to DDT and of course on the Kansai sleaze scene. Shintaro meanwhile is totally an unknown here, I tried to do a little bit of digging into him but found only that he apparently worked as a referee for the most part. He was however on a pretty absurd tape I watched with some friends, where he and Mamoru Tanaka had a "Car Crash Deathmatch" in the middle of an empty parking lot, beating each other up using a Toyota bB until Shiratori started trying to run them both over using the heavily damaged car.
While the last match surprised me by how high the quality of the wrestling ended up being, nothing could have prepared me for just how bad Shintaro would be. I am not exaggerating when I say that I've never seen someone quite as bad as Shintaro on any FU*CK! shows. This is immediately shown when, after Shioda is sent to the outside early on, Shintaro does this suicide dive:
After this, both men brawl around the outside of DDT Dojo (where this show is taking place) and some pretty crazy shit happens. Shioda and Shintaro trade slaps while sitting on top of the front gate, Shioda puts Shintaro in two absolutely horrendous boston crabs on the outside that get Shintaro absolutely covered in soot, and Shioda tries to suplex Shintaro only for Shintaro to accidentally DDT himself on the concrete. Eventually they head back in and the match goes into overdrive with Shintaro doing some of the worst parody moves I've ever seen, including some terrible dragon screws, a combination of janky Misawa forearms (I almost forgot to mention that Shintaro came out to Spartan-X which is vital information in my opinion), maybe the worst shining wizard I've ever seen, and finally, the crème de la crème of this string of offense. I present to you... the worst backslide I have ever seen:
Soon after this, Shioda is finally able to get some offense back in and absolutely cracks the hell outta Shintaro's jaw with a spinning wheel kick, before locking in a Kimura for the victory.
Now, after reading all of my negativity and seeing just how bad Shintaro was, I'm sure you expect a grade like a D- or even the first ever F on the blog. Well, you would be DEAD. FUCKING. WRONG. You see, when something is this bad, when a piece of wrestling is this horribly done, I honestly think it wraps around into becoming pure art. Of course, if something is bad because of a lack of effort, that is an entirely different story. That wasn't the case here. Shintaro isn't someone who came in and didn't try, so please don't walk away from this thinking that. From everything I can tell, Shintaro was trying his god damn heart out here, and the fans were in love with everything he did, no matter how well he actually did it. By the end of the match, I was in love too. Mambo Shintaro may not be a ring general or a true king of the ring, but if there was ever a man deserving of the title of "People's Champion", it would be him. I stand by my decision and am willing to fight to the death over it, and I'm extremely excited to see any of Shintaro's other work.
Rating: A+
Ultraman Robin & Hideki Shioda vs. Lucha Master Takemaru & Kancho Nagase
This was actually meant to be a singles match between Robin and Takemaru, but as Robin makes his entrance Nagase jumps him from behind! Takemaru and Nagase put the boots to him but here comes Shioda for the save! After some brawling on the outside all four guys get in the ring and we now have a tag match on our hands.
Honestly, there isn't much to say about this match in terms of a story or match flow or anything like that. This was just a really well-worked match featuring four guys who have the ability to really go at it in the ring. Nagase's interactions with Shioda and especial Robin were great, with Nagase bringing some fury behind all his strikes and grappling, and Robin was definitely the best at responding to that.
Takemaru was able to hold his own as well for sure. He was pretty damn athletic compared to everyone else on the show, doing a nice kip-up into arm drag spot and generally showing himself to be a good hand in the ring. Eventually, the match culminated in Robin hitting an awesome avalanche gutwrench suplex/powerslam hybrid move on Takemaru, before hitting him with a crossbody for the win. Again, there wasn't a ton that made this too special or anything, but it was worked well by all involved and never really outstayed its welcome.
Rating: C+
244 vs. Keita Yano
One of Keita's rare FU*CK! appearances! Honestly, I feel like this is a place that would fit Keita well especially nowadays, but he sadly hasn't worked there a ton. He's facing 244 here, and before the match I do need to share a very important piece of information about 244. From the beginning of the show, he's been sitting at a table with Shiratori, helping out with handling the faulty sound system they're using for the show. He stays there up until it is time for this match, at which point... 244 crouches down and seems to try and hide from the audience, to then appear and make his entrance. Honestly, I deeply respect this attempt and from the get-go was ready to be a fan of his.
Wouldn't you know it, this match was pretty damn good too. Keita was in full bully mode here, just disrespecting 244 with slaps to the back of the head and grinding his knee into 244's chin while grappling. Keita threw in a lot of little touches to his work like that, and it really gave it so much more life than just doing the holds. 244 was able to hold his own on the mat too, at one point actually getting the better of him (although Keita would quickly reverse it and go back to cruelly beating him down on the mat). It was also around this point that I noticed that future IWGP and AEW world champion Kenny Omega had taken a seat and was now watching this match. Hopefully this is just some long-term storytelling and Omega is currently working out a plan with TK to bring Yano in for a couple matches with the Blackpool Combat Club.
The grappling eventually gives way to more contemporary wrestling, with 244 and Keita trading some mean strikes, leading into bigger and bigger attacks from both men. This culminated in this pretty sweet little moment from both guys towards the end:
Soon after this however, Keita fully took the advantage and tee'd off a hard combo before locking in the always amazing Yurikamone for the win. Overall, the match ended up being pretty damn well-paced and featured some awesome stuff from both guys, especially Keita who got to play the bully heel role so early into his career and did great at it.
Rating: B
Pre-QA Blue, Pre-QA Yellow, Pre-QA Pink, Pre-QA Green, & Pre-QA Red vs. Ken Ohka, Konaka = Pale One, The Zack, Magnum Oedo, and Kenji Abe
I'm not even going to try and talk much about this match, because a lot of stuff happened, I was very confused, and honestly I can't be bothered to try and figure it all out. It's currently 12:53 AM and I am too tired to dissect what the hell Pre-QA even is (I think an idol group parody? idk Shoichi Uchida and Takaku Fuke are wearing wigs and dresses and I'm not entirely sure what's going on).
The most notable part of the match to me is definitely the one, the only, The Zack. He's a parody of Dwayne "The Fortnite Character" Johnson, and my lord is he good at what he does. He pretty much has the Rock stomps down to an artform, doing that weird leg shimmy Rock does before actually stomping and doing it really damn good. The best part of his offense was definitely his People's Elbow though, which I'm just gonna leave below because my god is it awesome.
The only other notable part in my opinion is the moment that eventually leads to the finish. Konaka grabs Pre-QA Yellow(Takaku Fuke) and drags him into a back room. Both are gone for about 7 or so minutes before the door swings open. Out runs... hold on a second. What the hell? WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S... THAT'S...
THAT'S TAKAKU = PALE ONE!!! Takaku = Pale One the cleans house with throat thrusts before getting the win for his team with a jumping senton. While the ending was actually pretty funny and all the stuff The Zack did was fun, overall the match was kind of a drag. I definitely don't understand the appeal of the Pre-QA gimmick (I guess dress & wig = funny or something) but ignoring that it was still just a meandering match with not much going for it. Oh well, at least it gave us Takaku = Pale One.
Rating: D+
HARASHIMA vs. Killer Master
The main event of a very strange and very special show features one of the most strange and special appearances in FU*CK! history. HARASHIMA is, at this point, considered by most to be one of the best wrestlers in Japan, and it's hard to deny that. He's got a ton of talent and even as he's gotten older he's lost very little of it. Here, he's possibly in peak condition, and he's been tasked with taking on FU*CK!'s Killer Master. Unlike the ominous and threatening name, Killer Master just kinda looks like a dude. Nothing too stand-out in terms of gear or attitude, but he does come out to Iron Man by Black Sabbath so that's pretty sweet.
What we ended up getting from the pairing of these two ended up being a pretty solid main event encounter. Similar to the opener, HARASHIMA was decidedly above Master and wasn't afraid to show it, completely brushing off Master's strikes for a good portion of the first half of the match and really going into him with his own. He also spent a lot of this match putting on an absolute clinic of back targeting, including this nasty bow and arrow stretch:
That's not to say that Master didn't get any offense in. Far from it, when Master was able to get any amount of control he really took advantage of it to bust out some pretty awesome offense. He did a really nice running shooting star press, hit a gross missile dropkick straight to HARASHIMA's stomach, and even busted out this really good sequence when he was really starting to make his comeback:
However, the result of the match was always clear, no matter how much of a comeback Master would be able to make. HARASHIMA eventually took back control completely and dumped Master directly onto his head with a gross implant DDT. That wasn't enough for HARASHIMA though, who did the spot of the night by doing pull-ups on a support beam on the roof before hitting a mean double knee drop to Master, leading into an extremely high angle single leg crab that got him the submission victory.
Honestly, this was probably the perfect match to end the show. While it wasn't as good as Keita vs. 244 or as insane as Mambo vs. Shioda, it was an awesome display by Killer Master and a great powerful force performance by HARASHIMA. After the match, Master got beaten up a little by Shiratori but ended the show together in the ring, thanking everyone for coming out and supporting FU*CK!. A fitting end to a very crazy show.
Rating: B-
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