Comprehensive Survival Tobita #3

                   (Written by jom, photo credit to @namjunkzone)

Survival Tobita vs. Jido Senshi Gardan (SPWC 12/23/1999)

    It's two days before Christmas and nine days before Y2K in Saitama, and Tobita is here to bring the gift of another vanquished monster. Tobita's also coming into this match holding SPWC's first ever title belt, the "Saitama Indiscriminate Real Fighting Championship", which is just a paper cutout of the NWA Worlds Heavyweight Championship. His opponent this time around is "Jido Senshi Gardan" (translated as "Automatic Warrior Gardan"), some type of robot or cyborg or android or whatever. In contrast to Tobita's flimsy paper belt, Gardan arrives with weapons of mass destruction, such as a bunch of chains hanging off his neck and shoulders, a police baton in his boot, and a strange claw-like item in his hand. I genuinely don't know how to describe it, but it looks like it would hurt.

    Wouldn't you know it, but Tobita did not come solely bringing the gift of a slain foe; he also brought with him a good match! This is a textbook monster match for Tobita, the type of super fun work you'd see him continue for years and years after this. He gets absolutely brutalized right from the start by his metallic foe, being stabbed almost immediately by that claw thing I mentioned earlier and selling it like absolute death. On the topic of Tobita's selling, god damn man, I've really done him a disservice by not talking about it before. Tobita has always been a shockingly good seller, doing some awesome tumbling and dramatic slow-falls that perfectly fit these types of matches. Plus, any time he needs to get across the power of his otherworldly opponents, he has no qualms about launching himself away at high speeds, usually right onto his head. 

    Gardan is a really interesting foe this time around, as unlike a lot of future monsters who would have one clear and definitive offense to them, he has a grab-bag of pain to utilize. He stabs Tobita with the claw, he smashes the baton over him (embracing Big Boss Man-ism with a fancy little baton twirl), and when all else fails, he resorts to power attacks, slamming his arms into Tobita with tons of force like some sort of cyborg Vader. He seemes almost impervious to anything Tobita could throw at him, even somehow shaking off Tobita hitting the power button on the middle of his forehead. Then Tobita hits a Baba chop, and Gardan is a dead man walking. All it takes is a big lariat (which Tobita whiffs at first but he turns right around and does it again because Tobita NEVER gives up) and an emphatic fire thunder powerbomb for Tobita to add another name to his list of defeated oddities.

    As usual, a fun monster match from Tobita. I think that, in terms of comparing it to the other monster matches he's had, this definitely isn't one of the best, but it's also not one of the worst. Monster matches have a pretty high ground floor for me when it comes to enjoyment, so I'm almost always gonna enjoy my time watching Tobita take on one of his "villain of the week" opponents, and this was no exception.

Rating: B

Survival Tobita vs. Kodo Fuyuki (FMW 04/15/2001)

    How the hell did this happen? A little less than a year and a half after Tobita/Gandan, we're at a packed Korakuen Hall, and Tobita is fighting in the semi-main event against FMW booker and top guy Kodo Fuyuki. FMW may have been in dire straits at this point (with less than a year remaining before their final show), but man, god bless Fuyuki for seeing the vision and bringing in one of the best ever. Tobita is here to give the double thumbs up and OH MY GOD HE'S GOT THE MIC!!! Tobita getting to do the classic microphone appeal in fucking Korakuen Hall for FMW. This is the type of shit I live for. Fuyuki is such a fan of Tobita that he's even had himself handcuffed, as he knows that if he faced Tobita without this handicap, Tobita would unleash too much of his power, resulting in the absolute obliteration of Kodo Fuyuki.

    All joking aside, this was enjoyable for what it was. Tobita is mostly in control for the first minute of the match, eating a few boots from Fuyuki and responding with some lariats, a leg drop, and a DDT. Tobita goes for the fire thunder powerbomb, but GENSHI ENJIN VIRGON makes a run in, attacking Tobita with bolt cutters! He cuts Fuyuki free right after, leading to Fuyuki blasting Tobita with his signature charging lariat for the win (with Virgon seen jumping away in the background).

    There's not much to say about this. Once again, for a match that only went two minutes and had very limited potential due to the nature of it, this was solid. I thought the handcuff gimmick was a fun way to feasibly give Tobita offense in a match against such a higher level opponent, and the Virgon run-in was completely unexpected (I would've never guessed that apeman knew how to use bolt cutters), so all in all, a fine match.

Rating: B-

Survival Tobita vs. Takaku Fuke (FU*CK! 03/28/2010)

    Once again, how the hell did this happen? It's been nine years since Fuyuki's crushing defeat of Tobita in Korakuen Hall, and now we've returned to a venue that fits Tobita much better, that being FU*CK!'s home, the WONDER LAND arena. He's taking on Takaku Fuke, a genuine legend of MMA as one of the founding members of Pancrase. Fuke is mostly remembered for his shootfighting days or his time as a semi-regular in Osaka Pro, but during the late 00s and early 10s, Fuke was all over the sleaziest cards imaginable in Osaka, being a FU*CK! regular while making appearances in promotions like SGP, JWA Kansai, and many more. This match actually has a solid amount of build going into it, as the year prior, Tobita and Fuke got into a fight while teaming together, leading to the match ending in their defeat. At the start of 2010, Fuke defeated Tobita as part of a massive gauntlet match. Now, less than two months later, Tobita is ready to take his revenge on Fuke in an "Irregular UWF Rules" match.

    The magic of this match begins even before the bell rings. The DVD release of this match starts off with more than 30 minutes of Tobita walking around a city in the dead of night, smoking as he goes while imparting great knowledge upon the cameraman and, through him, us. He buys cigarettes from a vending machine (making funny faces at the age verification cameras), smokes while laying down on a bench (flipping the whole bench over while trying to get up), and shadowboxes in front of a chain link fence. It's the type of footage that really makes me wish I knew even a little Japanese, because I imagine the things he and cameraman/FU*CK! owner Shiratori were talking about were hilarious.

    After those 30+ incredible minutes, we arrive at WONDER LAND, and there's a big fight feel in the air. Fuke comes out wearing the ultra-rare silver pants, accidentally jabroni'ing Kenji Fukimoto by going through a different side of the ring than the one where Fukimoto opened the ropes for him. Tobita follows up silver pants Fuke by coming out with a KITCHEN KNIFE, POINTING IT AT FUKE AS A THREAT AGAINST HIS LIFE. He then goes into the bathroom and puts the knife in the toilet water just for added danger. Tobita then... walks back into the backstage area... BEFORE REAPPEARING WITH A FLAMETHROWER AND ATTEMPTING TO INCINERATE THE AUDIENCE, CHASING THEM OUT THE FUCKING BUILDING!!! This, of course, sets off the fire alarm, leading to the FU*CK! staff spending five straight minutes trying to turn it off. Tobita just sits on the top rope the entire time, watching as they try to undo the chaos he caused.

    And then, as god as my witness, Fuke and Tobita do their entrances one more time.

    Fuke comes out and jabronis Fukimoto again (I've got a feeling this time it wasn't an accident). Tobita comes out with the flamethrower already in hand (to which the fans respond by preemptively running for the door), but passes it to one of the FU*CK! staff with a big smug grin. The in-ring announcements are done, and finally, after over an hour of no wrestling, it's time for the match to begin.

    We start off slow, with Fuke and Tobita trying to feel each other out while exchanging some shoteis. Seeing Tobita throw shoteis is such a strange sight but he's putting some real force behind them, and Fuke is responding with similar levels of force with his shoteis and leg kicks. Fuke stays in firm control for this portion of the match, constantly outmatching Tobita on the mat with heel hooks and throwing some of the hardest kicks I've ever seen him throw. Tobita quickly changes tactics though, realizing that this shooting stuff just doesn't work for him, and instead returns to ol' reliable: evil fouling. He pokes the eyes. He grabs at the throat. Any time Fuke tries to lock in a hold or do anything to take advantage, Tobita is quick to rake the face or shoot below the belt to take back control. Tobita really channels some devious influences during this portion (and really for the whole match), throwing some Kurisu-level stomps to Fuke's head while letting loose with a few horrific toe kicks to the face and back. Fuke is able to pull out some great stuff to try and fight back during this, including a beautiful armbar counter to a grounded choke, but again, every single time he gets any footing, Tobita responds with cruel rule-bending, culminating in Fuke locking in a Fujiwara armbar, only for Tobita to escape his grip enough to swing his trapped arm inwards, punching Fuke right in the dick.

    Firmly in control, Tobita finally turns to the plunder, and oh boy, he's got a lot this time around. Immediately, he stabs Fuke in the face with some sort of sharp object, resulting in Fuke bleeding. He wraps cables around Fuke's face and neck to try and choke him out. He takes a real big knife and starts cutting across Fuke's forehead. There's just so much here that he utilizes in an attempt to make Fuke suffer in the most extreme ways possible. The ultimate weapon, however, comes soon after all this. 

    Tobita goes out of the ring and brings in... a children's scooter. He revs it up, and as fast as he can, sends it (and himself) flying into Fuke. I can't begin to explain the emotions I feel watching Survival Tobita crash a scooter into a bloody Takaku Fuke. It's just the kind of thing you could never imagine happening until it does. A truly surreal moment. Tobita follows it up by slamming a whole cooler into Fuke's head because of course he does. 

    Instead of going for a pinfall after all of this, Tobita, in an attempt to truly demoralize Fuke, talks shit about Pancrase and calls Fuke up to give Tobita his best shot. Fuke paintbrushes Tobita across the face with a brutal slap, knocking him down. Now, the one standing on top is Takaku Fuke, covered in blood with a crazed look in his eyes from the disrespect served to him by Tobita. In this moment, Fuke is given the chance to change from the victimized to the victimizer, and he takes that chance and runs with it. He rains down punches to Tobita's face, stomps and chokes him with his foot, and throws vicious kicks straight to the head. Tobita tries to close the distance by grappling Fuke, but Fuke just hoists him up and drops him directly onto his neck with a backdrop driver. And then, Fuke goes to the outside, and he gets the biggest light tube I have ever seen, longer than two normal tubes put together. Fuke smashes that light tube over Tobita's fucking head. In fact, he gets even more super long tubes and just goes to town on Tobita, breaking them over his face over and over and over again. Finally, Tobita, now a bloody mess just like Fuke, tries to get up in a dazed state, only for Fuke to sink in a deep rear naked choke. Fuke looks like a deranged madman, covered in a deep crimson with an evil grin stretching across his face. Tobita tries to survive but it's too much. The referee calls for the bell when Tobita stops responding.

    Fuke, of course, doesn't let go immediately. He spent the 90s fighting legends like Minoru Suzuki, Masakatsu Funaki, and Ken Shamrock. He's a Pancrase original for Christ's sake. And this sleazy camo-wearing indie worker thinks he can get away with what he did in this match? Not a fucking chance. It takes the referee along with another wrestler to physically pry Fuke off of Tobita. Fuke comes to his senses immediately, and, in an act of good faith, helps to revive Tobita from his current unconscious state, before offering a handshake to his adversary. Tobita, remembering that two minutes ago Fuke was attempting to choke him to death, responds how you would probably expect him to:

    We're right back into the heat of battle, with Tobita and Fuke throwing stiff shots at each other, along with Tobita swinging at anything that moves. One of those things that move is Kenji Fukimoto, who comes into the ring in the hopes of calming things down and gets a light bulb smashed into his face for his troubles. Now, Fukimoto is also brawling, throwing closed fists with Tobita and getting so heated that even Fuke has to stop his fighting to try and split Fukimoto and Tobita up. Tobita whips off his shirt and multiple people have to come in and stop them from going any further. 

    As the venue finally quiets, Tobita picks up the mic, and after talking with Shiratori (who's currently handling the main camera), invites Fuke into the ring. They converse for over 20 minutes, both covered in blood and battle scars, before finally, the two bow to each other, showing their respect and putting a true end to this war. Hell, Tobita even goes around shaking hands with the crowd (probably to apologize for the whole attempted incineration thing). Even after all his truly heinous actions in his conflict against Fuke, Tobita is still a hero for the people.

    I don't really know how to look back at this match after watching it.

    From the 30 minute Tobita midnight walk to the insane entrances, from the shoot style opener to the scooter attack, from the bloodthirsty Fuke to the massive post-match brawl. Hell, even considering the 20 minute talk battle Tobita and Fuke had afterwards, ending in both men bowing to each other. This has to have been one of the greatest experiences I have ever had watching pro wrestling. This is the type of tape that really reminds me why I love this sleaze shit so much. Why I've poured so much time, energy, and money into getting as much of it as possible. This is the pro wrestling I love in maybe its ultimate form. There will never be another match quite like Survival Tobita vs. Takaku Fuke.

Rating: A+

Comprehensive Survival Tobita #2

                   (Written by jom, photo credit to @kaikiha)

Survival Tobita vs. Genshi Enjin Virgon (SPWC 03/29/1999)

    Y'know, in theory, this match should've been the one to start my comprehensive on Tobita. This was the main event of the first ever SPWC show (the only time SPWC used a wrestling ring), and featured Tobita taking on his first monster, the massive ape-like creature known as Genshi Enjin Virgon. Virgon actually doesn't come directly from SPWC, instead being an urban legend for years with a "monster hunting" show in the early 80s doing a whole short series about trying to find the creature. Tobita had been hyping up this match for a good bit before it happened, even appearing on one of the EWF shows promoted by Kazumasa Nihei and Sanshiro Takagi a week before this SPWC show happened, proclaiming "I will kill Genshi Enjin Virgon!" after the main event ended.

    I pretty much have to start this with entrances, which is something I tend not to do. Tobita comes out to one of the many Elephant Kashimashi songs he used in his career, stomping to the ring in the wide and powerful stance he always had. I still don't know if this is just part of Tobita's gimmick or actually how he walks, but either way it's awesome and fitting for such a beast like Tobita. Virgon is the real reason I'm talking about this though. With a theme songs that's just some guy singing with no instrumental behind him, Virgon is dragged from the back by Naoshi Sano and YOSHIYA, covered in a big sack that's been tied up to keep him from escaping. The second he escapes from his confinement, Virgon goes on a rampage, attacking fans and wrestlers alike, before finally being dragged into the ring so the match can start.

    The match itself is fairly simple in concept: Survival Tobita is a wrestler who wants to wrestle, and Genshi Enjin Virgon is an ape man who doesn't understand the concept of pro wrestling. Tobita's attempts to engage lead Virgon to abscond from the match multiple times, spending time outside terrorizing those that decided to attend the show. Once he does engage though, it's not even a fair fight for Tobita. All it takes is one massive Virgon shove and Tobita is sprawled out like he's just been shot by a cannon. Eventually, Virgon leaves the ring and Tobita tries to drag him back in, only to get slammed hard on the gym floor, smashing his head into the ground resulting in a genuinely horrifying noise and an almost certain concussion. And then... the match ends by countout! Neither man makes it in by the 20 count, and Virgon just hops away to the back.

    However, Tobita, concussion and all, refuses to accept this conclusion, and after throttling the referee, the match is restarted! Virgon is dragged to the ring by all the wrestlers once again, and the fight is on. Tobita throws big clubbing blows and even an eye poke, but it's still not enough to match up against Virgon, who hits a wild leg trip taking out Tobita. Virgon climbs to the top rope, and in maybe the best moment of the entire match, simply jumps off and lands on his feet before continuing to prowl around like nothing happened. Tobita finally gets his opportunity soon after, catching Virgon with a hard shot before absolutely MURDERING the ape man with a piledriver, getting the pinfall victory. Virgon immediately gets up and hops away. A legend is born.

    In terms of historical importance, this match is almost mythical. The groundwork it set would lead to years of Survival Tobita facing off against inhuman creatures and alien entities, while also establishing a starting point for Tobita's own legacy as a cult hero for Japanese indie wrestling fans. This isn't a match where its only value comes from the aftereffects of it though. As a standalone match, Tobita vs. Virgon rules! Tobita's struggle to combat this ridiculously strong primitive ape man was incredible, and whoever played Virgon did a wonderful job communicating not only how powerful he was, but also how Virgon straight up doesn't understand pro wrestling. The only reason I'm not giving this an A is because Tobita would do even better monster matches in the future. A total blast of a watch, one I cannot recommend enough.

Rating: A-

Survival Tobita vs. Miyako Matsumoto (Ice Ribbon 08/25/2013)

    Tobita in Korakuen Hall is always a wild visual. I've become so used to seeing Tobita work in front of a handful of fans in dingy bars and high school gyms, that it almost feels just as alien as some of Tobita's foes whenever I see Tobita working in front of hundreds in one of the most legendary venues in pro wrestling history. Tobita's opponent for the day is Miyako Matsumoto someone who I have never seen before but from doing some reading seems to have been a pretty vital player in Ice Ribbon. There's a prematch VTR showing Matsumoto working against Sanshiro Takagi, Kazunari Murakami, and Minoru Suzuki in Korakuen Hall, before leading into Tobita attacking her and announcing his intentions to join that murderer's row.

    This is a very strange match in all honesty, as for one of the first times in Tobita's career, he is the monster for Matsumoto to overcome. Very early into the match, Matsumoto tries to hit a pose and Tobita just obliterates her with a throat thrust, leading to Tobita working her over hard for a few minutes. Every time Matsumoto tries to fight back with hard slaps and kicks, Tobita just throws a single headbutt and it entirely shuts down Matsumoto's attempted comeback. 

    Matsumoto finally gains the strength to fight back later on, countering a cobra twist from Tobita into a Manji-gatame. She tries to hit a brainbuster but Tobita immediately hits a suplex of his own. She tries again, and once again Tobita drops her hard with a suplex. Finally, she tries one more time, and pulls it off, dropping Tobita right on his head. She follows this up with a rainmaker, before starting a long "Mamma Mia!" spam segment. Every time Tobita kicks out from the move, Matsumoto gets up, hits the ballet poses, and does it again. This includes a time where Tobita rolled over so she hit it on his back (the ref actually starts to count a pinfall before remembering how pinfalls work) and the final one where Tobita was trying to just pull himself up, only for Matsumoto to almost hit a sliding Mamma Mia! for the win.

    After the match, Tobita cut a promo, urging Matsumoto to consider running a Korakuen Hall show for her Gake No Fuchi promotion. Matsumoto crying at Tobita saying he would fully support her was honestly a really sweet moment. Also, on the topic of a potential low attendance, Tobita said "Sad Genius once ran a show in Korakuen Hall and only 50 people came, so don't worry!" Truly, only Tobita would bring up Sad Genius in a promo like that.

    This was fun! I really don't have much else to say, this was just a cool look at Tobita getting to work in a more dominant way, and Matsumoto more than held her own. The Mamma Mia! spamming may have gone a little long, but it had enough funny moments to keep me from losing engagement. Overall, an enjoyable match. Also, Tobita, if you're reading this, please hit me up if you have video of that UNW Korakuen Hall show you mentioned, I've been looking for it for two years now and will pay you a large amount of money for a copy of it.

Rating: B

Survival Tobita vs. Jun Akiyama (AJPW 05/19/2018)

    Your eyes do not deceive you. This is, in fact, a match that somehow happened. This was for Akiyama's GAORA TV Championship, with Tobita winning a battle royale in Korakuen Hall two months before this to earn a shot at the title. I'm not going to explain who Jun Akiyama is. I refuse to believe anyone reading this blog wouldn't have at least heard of him and be aware of just how legendary he is. The world is a strange place, and the fact Tobita got to have this match is even stranger.

    Tobita, from the get-go, is the crowd favorite. Immediately upon the bell ringing, a "TO-BI-TA!" chant breaks out, which, considering this match also has JUN AKIYAMA in it, is truly incredible. The match starts with some mind-boggling grappling, as while Akiyama is definitely in control, Tobita actually holds his own on the mat, going for double leg takedowns and even pulling off a cool hold at one point, trapping Akiyama's leg and biting his arm. Akiyama gets sick of Tobita's shit and blasts him with a sliding knee, but Tobita kicks out! Never would I have thought that I would get to write about Tobita kicking out from one of Jun Akiyama's signature moves, but here we are.

    They both go to the outside after this and Tobita takes the advantage with some classic Tobita brawling, including the throat thrust and the headbutt. It is also at this point that I see Naoshi Sano has come with Tobita as his 2nd for this match, and it's just so cool to see Sano, someone who has almost always been there for Tobita's major career moments, getting to be there once again for Tobita's match against one of the most legendary wrestlers of all time. Once they get back in the ring, Tobita USES THE FUCKING PLUNGER ON AKIYAMA'S BALD ASS HEAD!!! Akiyama of course no-sells this entirely and just headbutts Tobita as hard as he can. Tobita fights as hard as he can fight for the rest of the match, but really, it's all to no avail. Akiyama eventually takes to spamming knee strikes (shades of Miyako Matsumoto), and even though Tobita somehow kicks out after getting hit with multiple brutal knees, he finally gets put down with a front necklock.

    This isn't an incredible match or anything like that. The match is worked at a slowish pace, and the work itself, while extremely fun, never does anything to try and elevate this match into being great. But that's because it didn't want to be "great", nor need to. This is a match that, at its core, is all about Tobita facing one of the most lauded pro wrestlers in history, and using everything in his arsenal to prove himself. Tobita was never going to win this. Of course not. But Tobita made sure that Jun Akiyama would remember him. Akiyama might've pulled the plunger off of his head, but that plunger will be stuck in his head for the rest of his life.

Rating: B+

Comprehensive Survival Tobita #1

                  (Written by jom, photo credit to @Namjunkzone)

Survival Tobita vs. H. N. Tokunakinozomu Kotoba no Bōryoku Kaijin (SPWC 03/30/2008)

    If I'm going to do a Tobita series, I have to start with a monster match. This time around, Tobita is taking on "H. N. Tokunakinozomu Kotoba no Bōryoku Kaijin", a massive creature covered in black spikes that possesses the power to say mean things and cause physical damage to his opponent. He starts the match hot by grabbing the mic during his entrance, verbally attacking Tobita, and beating down on the now powerless hero.

    Almost immediately, this match's story is clear. Kaijin is not only able to attack Tobita using only his voice, but he's also enveloped in those spikes, rendering most of Tobita's offense useless. Tobita tries to throw punches and headbutts, but every time he does he inadvertently hurts himself more than he hurt Kaijin. Kaijin is able to completely dominate the match during the early portions, hurling insults at Tobita before and after every move to maximize the damage dealt. He absolutely crushes Tobita with a huge splash and even hits a brutal headbutt to Tobita's groin (Kaijin's own face being covered by the spikes).

    Eventually, Tobita finds two weaknesses of Kaijin, the first being that as long as Tobita utilizes weapons, he's able to damage Kaijin without taking any damage himself. He beats Kaijin senselessly with a megaphone, as well as with his trusty plunger. Using that megaphone though, he discovers Kaijin's other weakness, one that completely changes the situation in Tobita's favor: Tobita can throw his own verbal jabs at Kaijin, weakening the monster's strength and, more importantly, his spikes. This allows for Tobita to finally hit Kaijin directly, and he does, mixing in more weapon usage like attacking Kaijin using a whole cart with big strikes like a stiff lariat. 

    In the final stretch, Tobita starts to pull out all the stops in an attempt to slay this monster. He throws a brutal lariat with a chain wrapped around his arm. He tries to choke the life out of the beast using that chain. With both attacks, it doesn't work, and Kaijin refuses to die. Tobita decides to truly go all-out in this do-or-die situation, and TAKES OFF ALL OF HIS CLOTHES. While I may not understand what this will do to help Tobita, I can still feel the power radiating off of this, and know that Tobita has entered into the most powerful form possible. He tries to murder Kaijin with a brutal kneeling piledriver, before finally dropping Kaijin face first onto a chair with a Tarzan Goto-esque facebuster, defeating the evil and once again saving the day.

    This is a textbook monster match from Tobita, and it was a ton of fun with a really well-told story. Kaijin was a really cool villain this time around, hitting some solid moves and having those spikes be a really good obstacle for Tobita to overcome. I think there have definitely been better monster matches (which we will absolutely get to in the future), but I had a ton of fun with this match even if the language barrier obviously meant some of the bits weren't able to land for me. The laughter of the crowd was enough for me to understand and feel it, and that's all I need at the end of the day.

Rating: B+

Survival Tobita vs. Dan Severn (TCW 03/13/2019)

    Tobita has had a number of matches that, on paper, don't seem real. They sound like a match you would get from hitting the random button a couple times in Fire Pro. And yet, they actually happened. 

    This is one of those matches, one that could only be conducted in Jimmy Suzuki's crackhead promotion Tokyo Championship Wrestling. This is the same promotion that brought both Rick Steiner and Road Warrior Animal to Japan so Kazushi Miyamoto could live out his childhood dreams of being a Steiner Brother and a Road Warrior. This is the same promotion that hasn't gone a single show without booking Yoon Kang Chul in an NKPWA World Championship match (and of the four shows, three of them booked him against Osamu Nishimura). This is the same promotion that booked a "Former WWE Stars" tag match, including "Yamaguchi-san Is Back!", a man pretending to be Wally Yamaguchi since the real one had passed away nearly a year prior. TCW is truly a wild promotion with the ability to create surreal matches like the one we're visiting today, and its existence is very appreciated.

    The match starts with Tobita and Severn going in for a handshake, but both refuse to let go. Eventually, Severn (wearing his Sunday's best) decides to force the handshake to end, snapping Tobita into a real mean shoulder-dislocating arm lock, to which Tobita immediately taps out to? The ref doesn't call for the bell though??? Severn spins Tobita around and locks in a tight guillotine choke. Tobita taps out once again, and once again the referee doesn't end the match. That's when the ring announcer gets on the microphone to tell the audience (and Tobita I guess) that this is a "sparring" match, meaning it'll go until the time limit is up. I realize at this point that what I'm about to see is the extended torture and execution of a hero.

    After Severn flows through holds once again to lock in a brutal rear naked choke, Tobita is able to rake his eyes and go outside for a breather. No amount of breaks will have him from the slaughter though, as right when he gets back in Severn destroys him with a huge belly to belly suplex (seen below). Tobita finally is forced to resort to a low blow, which Severn... completely no-sells. Tobita throws throat thrusts and Severn no-sells it. He even throws a hard headbutt and Severn no-sells it. Maybe my favorite part of the match happens with that headbutt, as right after hitting it, Tobita just looks around at the crowd with pure frustration on his face and hits the saddest shrug I've ever seen, practically screaming "WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO DO MAN?".

    After this point, the match enters a very simple formula: Severn beats up Tobita, Tobita taps to a submission, Severn and the ref argue about the rules of the match, Tobita eventually gets up, and then it all repeats. This happens for a couple minutes until finally, finally, Tobita gets hit with one more huge belly to belly suplex, and the ref calls the match off, as Tobita is entirely knocked out.

    This is a weird match to rate. This kinda felt like a Tobita monster match for the first half, with Tobita getting completely dominated by an overpowering force. However, unlike those monster matches where Tobita eventually finds a fatal weakness and turns the tables, there was no fatal weakness in Severn. Severn just stretched and suplexed Tobita for six minutes straight, and Tobita was left beaten and broken. I'll give it a C+ overall, as those first couple minutes were pretty cool and seeing Severn in his old age still bust out some big suplexes and holds was awesome, even if structurally this was extremely repetitive and spiritually this match hurt my soul.

Rating: C+

Survival Tobita vs. Takahiro Tababa (West Mexico 12/01/2020)

    Before anyone asks, no, I don't know why this promotion is called "West Mexico". They were not in Mexico. This match happened at the Paddinton Cafe in Saitama, and it's actually the final singles match to take place in the venue, as the cafe was closing for good immediately after this. Tobita's taking on Takahiro Tababa, a personal favorite on the indies who has a real mean streak and throws some hellacious kicks. This is also a chain deathmatch, meaning Tobita and Tababa spent the whole duration chained together.

    When I saw Tababa walk out with a wok and Tobita walk out with a pot, I knew this was going to be something special.

    It's brutality from the get-go. Tababa quickly takes to punching Tobita with the chain wrapped around his fist, blasting Tobita with stiff rights until Tobita is able to counter and initiate a sword fight with the kitchenware! Tababa is able to come out on top in this duel though, and immediately bonks Tobita on the head with his wok, creating this really sickening noise of steel colliding with skull. Tobita comes up from this and he's already bleeding out a fountain.

    Tobita is able to take back the advantage and get some level of revenge by using the wok to bludgeon Tababa, raining down gross strikes with it to the back of Tababa's head. There's some more cool stuff involving the chain like Tobita throwing some stiff punches with it wrapped around his fist (which cause Tababa to start bleeding as well) or Tababa using the chain to enhance an ankle lock, but this match truly enters a new level of crazy when Tobita drags Tababa outside the building. The two men start to brawl on the street, with passersby looking on in bewilderment at these two shirtless men, chained together and bleeding heavily, throwing each other into walls and choking each other with the chain. Tababa takes to kicking the hell out of Tobita, throwing some really hard shots including one kick directly at Tobita's neck. However, this portion of the match is undoubtedly where Tobita is in his best form. He does some wild stuff here, like trying to use a wrench to further open up Tababa's wound, or sending Tababa head-first into a wall, leaving a patch of blood behind. He even hits an elbow drop on the concrete, which is just completely unnecessary and probably hurt him a substantial amount too, but Goddamn if it isn't awesome.

    At this point, I'd like to mention one of my favorite parts of the whole match: the camera work. Maybe it's the film school dropout in me that cares so much about this, but the shots of this match were just something to behold. The entire thing was shot on one shaky handheld camera, and the camera operator made sure to get as close as possible to the action, constantly filling the screen with bloodied faces of the wrestlers. These choices led to one of the most immersive matches I have ever seen, with the shot composition making it feel like I'm right there on that street in Japan, watching these two men try to kill each other before my very eyes. It's a surreal experience, one very few matches have caused in my time as a wrestling fan.

    Eventually, both men head back inside Paddinton and onto the puzzle piece mats. Tababa, after having been mostly on the receiving end during the fight outside, goes into overdrive, absolutely taking it to Tobita with hard shots and some cool submissions like a double wristlock with the chain. He gets so riled up and pissed off that after the referee makes him break a submission, Tababa slaps him so hard it nearly knocks the ref out. Tobita is able to get a counter in, but both guys are so worn out that neither is able to take a clear advantage over the other. They start throwing shots without any rhyme or reason, and attempt to stretch each other into submission. Tababa initiates a shoot headbutt exchange, and as God as my witness, these may be some of the most horrific sounding headbutts I've ever heard. Multiple hollow thuds and cracks, the type of shit that makes your skin crawl and makes you reconsider the choices that led you to this point. Tababa rattles off a quick barrage of headbutts to take the advantage, before throwing some of his most violent kicks ever at Tobita, nearly getting a 10 count knockout. In one final moment of desperation, Tobita throws a wild cross-chop which sends Tababa tumbling. Tobita immediately uses the chain to drag Tababa right back up, destroying him with a Gotch piledriver and finally getting the victory.

    However, maybe the most important moment of the match came after it concluded.

    This brawl was followed up by the show's main event, a customary battle royale featuring all the wrestlers on the show. It's pretty much a tradition in these low level promotions to cap off the night with one of these matches, and it was no different here. There's some fun moments for sure, like Tobita coming out and immediately laying down, asking Kuishinbo Kamen to pin him because he's very tired after the last match and just wants to go home. Tababa sees this and decides to do the same, and once he gets pinned Tobita gets mad and starts yelling at him for stealing his idea. It's light-hearted stuff and a nice way to send the fans home happy, as well as a good way to say goodbye to a cafe that's hosted so many fun wrestling shows. At some point during this match though, everyone just stops wrestling. They all turn and look to the left of the camera. The camera pans over.

    The police are here.

    At some point during Tobita and Tababa's brawl outside Paddinton, an onlooker ended up calling the cops. Naoshi Sano and referee Pink Tiger both exit the match almost immediately, heading outside to try and explain to the cops what's going on. It's really a bizarre sight, seeing all these wrestlers and fans just standing there, watching on as real law enforcement have come to investigate what was probably described as a violent fight, considering the number of officers outside. Eventually, the police issue some citation for a public disturbance or something like that and exit the premises, but even as the battle royale continues, the image of police standing outside the cafe doesn't leave my mind. This night was meant to be a little celebration to close off Paddinton Cafe, but it ended up featuring one of the craziest moments I've seen in this decade of wrestling so far.

    There's something about this match that can't be described. Of course, there's a ton of great stuff that's easy to explain. Tobita and Tababa utilized the chain to great effect throughout the match, they bled a ton, they threw stiff shots and did some crazy brawling. All of that could come together by itself and lead to a pretty awesome encounter. 

    This match is more than that. 

    There's an intangible feeling that lives through this match, one that's just as much strange as it is chaotic. Arguably dumb spots are intercut with undeniably brutal violence. There's a sense of weirdness amongst all the bloodshed, one that is retained no matter how visceral it gets. And when the police showed up afterwards? That intangible feeling got cranked up to 11. Somehow, it almost felt like the most fitting conclusion possible to such a baffling match.

    I'm not a big fan of a lot of the hipster-ish shit some people say about wrestling. I've come to naturally groan or roll my eyes whenever I see someone talking about how "wrestling is art" or anything like that. With this match though, I'm almost forced to look at it as some esoteric piece of modern performance art. The visuals of the match were stunning. The conclusions of both the match and the whole ordeal were phenomenal. The stars aligned and both men put in such violent and bizarre work that it led to immediate real-world consequence. If any wrestling could be called "art", this match would probably be up for consideration as some of the highest art in the medium's history.

    Tobita and Tababa didn't do this to be artistic though. They did this because they wanted to hit each other really hard and have a weird brawl.

    Really, there's little else I could ask for than that.

Rating: A+