(Written by jom, photo credit to @Namjunkzone)
Survival Tobita vs. H. N. Tokunakinozomu Kotoba no Bōryoku Kaijin (SPWC 03/30/2008)
If I'm going to do a Tobita series, I have to start with a monster match. This time around, Tobita is taking on "H. N. Tokunakinozomu Kotoba no Bōryoku Kaijin", a massive creature covered in black spikes that possesses the power to say mean things and cause physical damage to his opponent. He starts the match hot by grabbing the mic during his entrance, verbally attacking Tobita, and beating down on the now powerless hero.
Almost immediately, this match's story is clear. Kaijin is not only able to attack Tobita using only his voice, but he's also enveloped in those spikes, rendering most of Tobita's offense useless. Tobita tries to throw punches and headbutts, but every time he does he inadvertently hurts himself more than he hurt Kaijin. Kaijin is able to completely dominate the match during the early portions, hurling insults at Tobita before and after every move to maximize the damage dealt. He absolutely crushes Tobita with a huge splash and even hits a brutal headbutt to Tobita's groin (Kaijin's own face being covered by the spikes).
Eventually, Tobita finds two weaknesses of Kaijin, the first being that as long as Tobita utilizes weapons, he's able to damage Kaijin without taking any damage himself. He beats Kaijin senselessly with a megaphone, as well as with his trusty plunger. Using that megaphone though, he discovers Kaijin's other weakness, one that completely changes the situation in Tobita's favor: Tobita can throw his own verbal jabs at Kaijin, weakening the monster's strength and, more importantly, his spikes. This allows for Tobita to finally hit Kaijin directly, and he does, mixing in more weapon usage like attacking Kaijin using a whole cart with big strikes like a stiff lariat.
In the final stretch, Tobita starts to pull out all the stops in an attempt to slay this monster. He throws a brutal lariat with a chain wrapped around his arm. He tries to choke the life out of the beast using that chain. With both attacks, it doesn't work, and Kaijin refuses to die. Tobita decides to truly go all-out in this do-or-die situation, and TAKES OFF ALL OF HIS CLOTHES. While I may not understand what this will do to help Tobita, I can still feel the power radiating off of this, and know that Tobita has entered into the most powerful form possible. He tries to murder Kaijin with a brutal kneeling piledriver, before finally dropping Kaijin face first onto a chair with a Tarzan Goto-esque facebuster, defeating the evil and once again saving the day.
This is a textbook monster match from Tobita, and it was a ton of fun with a really well-told story. Kaijin was a really cool villain this time around, hitting some solid moves and having those spikes be a really good obstacle for Tobita to overcome. I think there have definitely been better monster matches (which we will absolutely get to in the future), but I had a ton of fun with this match even if the language barrier obviously meant some of the bits weren't able to land for me. The laughter of the crowd was enough for me to understand and feel it, and that's all I need at the end of the day.
Rating: B+
Survival Tobita vs. Dan Severn (TCW 03/13/2019)
Tobita has had a number of matches that, on paper, don't seem real. They sound like a match you would get from hitting the random button a couple times in Fire Pro. And yet, they actually happened.
This is one of those matches, one that could only be conducted in Jimmy Suzuki's crackhead promotion Tokyo Championship Wrestling. This is the same promotion that brought both Rick Steiner and Road Warrior Animal to Japan so Kazushi Miyamoto could live out his childhood dreams of being a Steiner Brother and a Road Warrior. This is the same promotion that hasn't gone a single show without booking Yoon Kang Chul in an NKPWA World Championship match (and of the four shows, three of them booked him against Osamu Nishimura). This is the same promotion that booked a "Former WWE Stars" tag match, including "Yamaguchi-san Is Back!", a man pretending to be Wally Yamaguchi since the real one had passed away nearly a year prior. TCW is truly a wild promotion with the ability to create surreal matches like the one we're visiting today, and its existence is very appreciated.
The match starts with Tobita and Severn going in for a handshake, but both refuse to let go. Eventually, Severn (wearing his Sunday's best) decides to force the handshake to end, snapping Tobita into a real mean shoulder-dislocating arm lock, to which Tobita immediately taps out to? The ref doesn't call for the bell though??? Severn spins Tobita around and locks in a tight guillotine choke. Tobita taps out once again, and once again the referee doesn't end the match. That's when the ring announcer gets on the microphone to tell the audience (and Tobita I guess) that this is a "sparring" match, meaning it'll go until the time limit is up. I realize at this point that what I'm about to see is the extended torture and execution of a hero.
After Severn flows through holds once again to lock in a brutal rear naked choke, Tobita is able to rake his eyes and go outside for a breather. No amount of breaks will have him from the slaughter though, as right when he gets back in Severn destroys him with a huge belly to belly suplex (seen below). Tobita finally is forced to resort to a low blow, which Severn... completely no-sells. Tobita throws throat thrusts and Severn no-sells it. He even throws a hard headbutt and Severn no-sells it. Maybe my favorite part of the match happens with that headbutt, as right after hitting it, Tobita just looks around at the crowd with pure frustration on his face and hits the saddest shrug I've ever seen, practically screaming "WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO DO MAN?".
After this point, the match enters a very simple formula: Severn beats up Tobita, Tobita taps to a submission, Severn and the ref argue about the rules of the match, Tobita eventually gets up, and then it all repeats. This happens for a couple minutes until finally, finally, Tobita gets hit with one more huge belly to belly suplex, and the ref calls the match off, as Tobita is entirely knocked out.
This is a weird match to rate. This kinda felt like a Tobita monster match for the first half, with Tobita getting completely dominated by an overpowering force. However, unlike those monster matches where Tobita eventually finds a fatal weakness and turns the tables, there was no fatal weakness in Severn. Severn just stretched and suplexed Tobita for six minutes straight, and Tobita was left beaten and broken. I'll give it a C+ overall, as those first couple minutes were pretty cool and seeing Severn in his old age still bust out some big suplexes and holds was awesome, even if structurally this was extremely repetitive and spiritually this match hurt my soul.
Rating: C+
Survival Tobita vs. Takahiro Tababa (West Mexico 12/01/2020)
Before anyone asks, no, I don't know why this promotion is called "West Mexico". They were not in Mexico. This match happened at the Paddinton Cafe in Saitama, and it's actually the final singles match to take place in the venue, as the cafe was closing for good immediately after this. Tobita's taking on Takahiro Tababa, a personal favorite on the indies who has a real mean streak and throws some hellacious kicks. This is also a chain deathmatch, meaning Tobita and Tababa spent the whole duration chained together.
When I saw Tababa walk out with a wok and Tobita walk out with a pot, I knew this was going to be something special.
It's brutality from the get-go. Tababa quickly takes to punching Tobita with the chain wrapped around his fist, blasting Tobita with stiff rights until Tobita is able to counter and initiate a sword fight with the kitchenware! Tababa is able to come out on top in this duel though, and immediately bonks Tobita on the head with his wok, creating this really sickening noise of steel colliding with skull. Tobita comes up from this and he's already bleeding out a fountain.
Tobita is able to take back the advantage and get some level of revenge by using the wok to bludgeon Tababa, raining down gross strikes with it to the back of Tababa's head. There's some more cool stuff involving the chain like Tobita throwing some stiff punches with it wrapped around his fist (which cause Tababa to start bleeding as well) or Tababa using the chain to enhance an ankle lock, but this match truly enters a new level of crazy when Tobita drags Tababa outside the building. The two men start to brawl on the street, with passersby looking on in bewilderment at these two shirtless men, chained together and bleeding heavily, throwing each other into walls and choking each other with the chain. Tababa takes to kicking the hell out of Tobita, throwing some really hard shots including one kick directly at Tobita's neck. However, this portion of the match is undoubtedly where Tobita is in his best form. He does some wild stuff here, like trying to use a wrench to further open up Tababa's wound, or sending Tababa head-first into a wall, leaving a patch of blood behind. He even hits an elbow drop on the concrete, which is just completely unnecessary and probably hurt him a substantial amount too, but Goddamn if it isn't awesome.
At this point, I'd like to mention one of my favorite parts of the whole match: the camera work. Maybe it's the film school dropout in me that cares so much about this, but the shots of this match were just something to behold. The entire thing was shot on one shaky handheld camera, and the camera operator made sure to get as close as possible to the action, constantly filling the screen with bloodied faces of the wrestlers. These choices led to one of the most immersive matches I have ever seen, with the shot composition making it feel like I'm right there on that street in Japan, watching these two men try to kill each other before my very eyes. It's a surreal experience, one very few matches have caused in my time as a wrestling fan.
Eventually, both men head back inside Paddinton and onto the puzzle piece mats. Tababa, after having been mostly on the receiving end during the fight outside, goes into overdrive, absolutely taking it to Tobita with hard shots and some cool submissions like a double wristlock with the chain. He gets so riled up and pissed off that after the referee makes him break a submission, Tababa slaps him so hard it nearly knocks the ref out. Tobita is able to get a counter in, but both guys are so worn out that neither is able to take a clear advantage over the other. They start throwing shots without any rhyme or reason, and attempt to stretch each other into submission. Tababa initiates a shoot headbutt exchange, and as God as my witness, these may be some of the most horrific sounding headbutts I've ever heard. Multiple hollow thuds and cracks, the type of shit that makes your skin crawl and makes you reconsider the choices that led you to this point. Tababa rattles off a quick barrage of headbutts to take the advantage, before throwing some of his most violent kicks ever at Tobita, nearly getting a 10 count knockout. In one final moment of desperation, Tobita throws a wild cross-chop which sends Tababa tumbling. Tobita immediately uses the chain to drag Tababa right back up, destroying him with a Gotch piledriver and finally getting the victory.
However, maybe the most important moment of the match came after it concluded.
This brawl was followed up by the show's main event, a customary battle royale featuring all the wrestlers on the show. It's pretty much a tradition in these low level promotions to cap off the night with one of these matches, and it was no different here. There's some fun moments for sure, like Tobita coming out and immediately laying down, asking Kuishinbo Kamen to pin him because he's very tired after the last match and just wants to go home. Tababa sees this and decides to do the same, and once he gets pinned Tobita gets mad and starts yelling at him for stealing his idea. It's light-hearted stuff and a nice way to send the fans home happy, as well as a good way to say goodbye to a cafe that's hosted so many fun wrestling shows. At some point during this match though, everyone just stops wrestling. They all turn and look to the left of the camera. The camera pans over.
The police are here.
At some point during Tobita and Tababa's brawl outside Paddinton, an onlooker ended up calling the cops. Naoshi Sano and referee Pink Tiger both exit the match almost immediately, heading outside to try and explain to the cops what's going on. It's really a bizarre sight, seeing all these wrestlers and fans just standing there, watching on as real law enforcement have come to investigate what was probably described as a violent fight, considering the number of officers outside. Eventually, the police issue some citation for a public disturbance or something like that and exit the premises, but even as the battle royale continues, the image of police standing outside the cafe doesn't leave my mind. This night was meant to be a little celebration to close off Paddinton Cafe, but it ended up featuring one of the craziest moments I've seen in this decade of wrestling so far.
There's something about this match that can't be described. Of course, there's a ton of great stuff that's easy to explain. Tobita and Tababa utilized the chain to great effect throughout the match, they bled a ton, they threw stiff shots and did some crazy brawling. All of that could come together by itself and lead to a pretty awesome encounter.
This match is more than that.
There's an intangible feeling that lives through this match, one that's just as much strange as it is chaotic. Arguably dumb spots are intercut with undeniably brutal violence. There's a sense of weirdness amongst all the bloodshed, one that is retained no matter how visceral it gets. And when the police showed up afterwards? That intangible feeling got cranked up to 11. Somehow, it almost felt like the most fitting conclusion possible to such a baffling match.
I'm not a big fan of a lot of the hipster-ish shit some people say about wrestling. I've come to naturally groan or roll my eyes whenever I see someone talking about how "wrestling is art" or anything like that. With this match though, I'm almost forced to look at it as some esoteric piece of modern performance art. The visuals of the match were stunning. The conclusions of both the match and the whole ordeal were phenomenal. The stars aligned and both men put in such violent and bizarre work that it led to immediate real-world consequence. If any wrestling could be called "art", this match would probably be up for consideration as some of the highest art in the medium's history.
Tobita and Tababa didn't do this to be artistic though. They did this because they wanted to hit each other really hard and have a weird brawl.
Really, there's little else I could ask for than that.
Rating: A+
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