(Written by jom)
Shinigami Shuucho vs. JET Shinomura
Starting us off is a weird spooky demon thing vs. a karateka. Once again, Shiratori shows himself to be the goat booker. The ref enters the ring and Shuucho's theme starts to play, but he doesn't appear from the doorway. Some time passes before the camera pans down and
Shinomura eventually rushes Shuucho while he's attacking fans and the match begins. The actual match was honestly nothing special for 90% of it. Shuucho did only tomahawk chops (that is, attacking Shinomura with his actual tomahawk) while Shinomura threw alright kicks in response. Eventually they brawl to the outside where I learn this is falls count anywhere, and Shuucho goes to open the garage door of the J2K dojo. The door lifts up and he sees... this.
I'll be entirely honest here. This might be the first time I have ever truly been taken aback like this. When Koriki Senshu appeared and lost immediately, I was surprised but still able to somewhat see what was going on. When Takaku Fuke disappeared and reappeared as Takaku Pehlwan, I was shocked but could also see how this happened. When a fucking gorilla appeared to beat up Shuucho, leading to Shinomura getting the win, I was absolutely flabbergasted. There is no way to interpret this. There is no way to make sense of this. This is pure, unmitigated chaos.
Rating:
Great Ninja vs. Yoshiaki Iwata
Great Ninja, contrary to his extremely intriguing name, is just a dude who wears a lotta clothes in this match. I did have a solid amount of hope for his performance as previously I had seen him doing good work with Toby Klein and Mad Man Pondo in one of FU*CK!'s annual tag team tournaments. Yoshiaki Iwata, meanwhile, I had never seen before this match, and based on his street clothes I wasn't expecting much.
Contrary to my initial predictions, Iwata was definitely the better guy in this match. A lot of his stuff was genuinely pretty crisp, with a very solid dropkick and this awesome running knee:
Ninja was alright here as well, at one point locking in a nice one-legged bow and arrow stretch (before immediately letting go of it because he couldn't balance Iwata properly on his knee). He also hit a good frog splash to get the win. I truly don't think this was anything worth going out of your way to see, but it also was entirely inoffensive and at least introduced me to Iwata, who I'll hopefully be seeing more of in the future.
Rating: C
Mammoth Handa, Hideki Shioda, & Killer Master vs. Toshiya Iwata, MASADA, & Konaka = Pehlwan
Such an absolutely stacked six-man tag on paper. Shioda is solid, Master is solid, Konaka is awesome, MASADA (the American one) is usually sweet in his FU*CK! appearances, and Handa is fucking hilarious. The only person I'd never seen before this was Iwata, who based on the last name and the resemblance I assume is the brother of Yoshiaki Iwata from the previous match. But yeah, going into this I was excited to see what happens here.
Thankfully my expectations were 100% met because this was just the best type of car crash. Awesome crazy stuff throughout with much of it courtesy of MASADA being a total menace. Early on he hit an insane powerbomb to Master onto a bunch of the audience's chairs, and he spent a lot of this match just absolutely destroying Master with moments like this:
He didn't only destroy Master though, as he also went crazy on Handa with some sick shots with the ladder and another spot that we will get to very soon.
Everyone else also delivered the goods here. Konaka of course was awesome as usual, just being a weird little fucker throwing Kawada kicks using his heel (I can't really explain it but you'd understand if you saw it) and just spitting on people because of course he did. Shioda and Master also did pretty sweet here, doing some cool juniors stuff like Shioda's strike combo into a nice russian leg sweep and Master's beautifully ugly moonsault press. Iwata, similar to how I had never seen him before this match, was absolutely nowhere to be seen for most of it. His one notable moment was completely missing a shining wizard, so probably not the best first impression possible.
The best person in this match besides MASADA was Handa. This guy is fucking amazing. I truly believe that at this point, Handa could not have been a trained wrestler, because I refuse to believe any trained wrestler would do the things he did. At one point, MASADA tried to whip him into the ropes, but Handa just... stopped running. It has been long understood that the irish whip, no matter how nonsensical it is, is 100% legitimate in the world of professional wrestling. Handa said "fuck that this shit is fake" and I applaud him for his bravery. MASADA however does not and truly brutalizes him, of course with the ladder shots mentioned previously but also with this, what I believe is maybe the most fucked up fireball I have ever seen:
The best part? When MASADA went for the cover after this, the ref decided "hey, you guys are too close to the ropes", so he REFUSED to count the pinfall. MASADA pulled Handa to the center of the ring and hit a fucking moonsault (something I had no idea he could even do) to finally get the win. This was just an absolute trainwreck in more ways than one, and I loved every second of it. Also, as I'm writing this, I just realized that MASADA was seemingly trying to go for the cover as Handa's leg was still very much on fire. Truly an all-time moment.
Rating: B+
Different Style Rules: Kenji Fukimoto vs. Hideaki Sumi
Four months ago, Fukimoto and Sumi had a different style fight and it rocked my fucking world. By the time it reached its conclusion, it had become my favorite match to ever take place in FU*CK! (outside of Mambo/Shioda of course). After Sumi's victory he went on an absolute warpath, beating Takuya Fujiwara, Yoshiaki Iwata, and Yoshihiro Kawaguchi in Different Style Fights. However, the original match to start this war on pro wrestling, no matter how amazing it was, ended on an unfulfilling note with the ref calling the match prematurely due to Fukimoto's blood loss. When a match that heated ends in such a way, there's really only one thing you can do: RUN. IT. BACK. Four months later, here we are.
Of course, I did have some worries. The previous match they had was phenomenal stuff, and living up to that would be difficult. I was excited but also preparing for potential disappointment. However, when I saw that the match started with this:
I knew immediately that oh baby, I'm in for a god damn ride. Contrary to the first match they had, Sumi was in total control for this first round. He decimated Fukimoto with some awesome combos, leading Fukimoto to start bleeding within the first minute of the match. He also was a lot more vicious than before, ignoring the ref on multiple occasions just to get more shots in. Fukimoto, for his part, was much calmer and collected than he was four months prior. He didn't rush in to brawl and he didn't use weapons like he did in the past. He kept his distance, trying to measure out any opportunities he could take. While he was totally dominated in the first round because of this strategy, it started to bear fruit in the second one, with him pulling off this awesome counter:
Fukimoto's grappling onslaught continued on through the second round, with Sumi at first refusing to use rope breaks before eventually being forced to due to Fukimoto's hyperfocus on his arm. The second round ends and Fukimoto refuses to let go of a gross armbar, leading to JET Shinomura (Sumi's second for the match) coming in and kicking the shit out of him before a bunch of FU*CK! regulars rushed the ring to force Shinomura out.
The third round was really the total bomb-throwing portion of the match though, with Fukimoto and Sumi absolutely worn out and throwing it all out there in an attempt to finally finish this. Sumi hit more of his awesome combos, and Fukimoto hit some great strikes of his own, especially an awesome lariat he hit while the ref was trying to force Sumi off of him. Finally, Fukimoto was able to take the advantage, and, in the ultimate tribute to the Different Style Fights that clearly had major inspiration on this whole rivalry, hit this gnarly Fire Thunder Powerbomb on Sumi:
Fukimoto then picked Sumi up and hit one final hard brainbuster, leading to Sumi staying down for the 10 count and giving Fukimoto a decisive win over the invading karateka.
After the match, Fukimoto and Sumi had a silent staredown, and it seemed like Fukimoto was going to go for a handshake. However, Sumi kept his distance, so Fukimoto started to leave. Right before he could walk out though, Sumi called him back over and after a little more hesitation, the two finally shook hands.
Truly a great match, one that lives up to the expectations set by the original match they had while adding a lot to it. Fukimoto coming in with a new strategy to defeat his karateka rival was awesome, and Sumi's developing evilness was truly amazing. Totally what you would want from these two, and hopefully I'll be able to find more interactions between them in the future.
Rating: A
Dragon Soldier LAW vs. Takaku Fuke
Once again, FU*CK! follows up an insane Different Style Fight between Fukimoto and Sumi with a FU*CK! regular taking on an unsung MMA legend. This time, Dragon Soldier LAW is here to fight for FU*CK!'s honor, and he's taking on Takaku Fuke, Pancrase pioneer and all-around badass. Before the match, a bunch of clips played of Mammoth Handa, Killer Master, and Hideki Shioda repeatedly ambushing DSL and attempting to cut off pieces of his hair. I'm not really sure what caused these three to be so hell-bent on getting one of DSL's locks, but it certainly was entertaining to watch. DSL also came out here wearing MMA gloves because he's facing Fuke, meaning it's real shooter hours baby.
In terms of the actual match, it sadly turned out to be nothing special. DSL, while a lot of fun, is kinda meh in the ring, only doing some cool weird flipping headbutts and a nice stunner. Fuke meanwhile was seemingly off his game, hitting some strikes with a lot of weakness and generally seeming to not be entirely sure how he should be wrestling. He did have a couple really awesome moments where he countered DSL into some tight holds, like this one shown below:
Eventually, DSL tapped out to an armbar from Fuke... for about 25 seconds straight, during which the ref seemingly kept asking "do you actually want to tap out?", before realizing that yes, DSL does want to tap out and at this point Fuke has probably broken DSL's elbow, set it back in place, and then broken it again.
Overall, this was fine, but sadly didn't live up to be anything more than that. Fuke and DSL seemingly couldn't mesh at all, and it wasn't in a funny way either. After the match, Hideaki Sumi came out and challenged Fuke, and that is a match that I have to see if it actually ended up happening. Fuke leaves and after DSL cuts a show-ending promo, Handa, Master, and Shioda all rush him one last time, getting one more piece of hair for whatever collection they've got going. Once again, Long Live FU*CK!.
Rating: B-
No comments:
Post a Comment