(Written by jom)
If you look about an inch up, you'll notice an actually good photo for once! I've been trying to find pictures from these Onita Pro shows for a while now, and I've finally found one. Of course, this isn't actually a photo from the show I'm talking about. It's from an untaped show ten days before, because Shu Pro's magazine archive doesn't have the magazine covering this post's shows. Also, I already know I won't be finding any more Onita Pro pictures for the rest of 1999. Damn you BBM and your incomplete archive. Onto the review!
Actually, not onto the review just yet, because this show starts with the FUNERAL OF GREAT NITA. This show is only a month after the Nita/Muta deathmatch, so I guess Nita is actually dead after that match? A little slideshow plays of Nita being a freak and facing guys like Mr. Pogo, before cutting to the ring which has Great Nita's coffin in it, a single spotlight shining down onto the jet black tomb. The people are silent for a 10 bell salute, break out into Great Nita chants afterwards, and then the segment ends. No emerging from the casket, no jokes or interruptions or anything. Nita is DEAD in pro wrestling canon. What a way to start a broadcast.
Chain: Rey Pandita vs. Animal Welfare Association Satan
For one final time, I beg to be enlightened: who the fuck is Rey Pandita? You can probably guess from the way I wrote that, but this is the last ever appearance of Rey Pandita in Onita Pro. I couldn't even try to tell you why that is. All I know is that his name doesn't appear on a single card after this. Maybe he was dragged to hell considering his final match is a chain deathmatch against SATAN! This is the same dude from the last show who turned on Pandita and joined up with the Hayabusa clones. Is Onita trying to make some sort of political statement here? He's created a character equating an animal welfare association to the devil, and has made him explicitly heel. Does Onita have heat with PETA? Did they try to make him Get The F Out? I have a feeling even Onita wouldn't be able to answer these questions.
Yeah, this match was fucking bizarre. It's three minutes long and still joined in progress. Pandita and Satan botch half of the moves they go for. The other half aren't interesting. Both guys keep tripping over the chains and there are multiple points where they almost injure themselves. It's a complete mess.
There's actually one spot that's really cool, one that I've thought of before that could be a great tide-shifter for an actually serious chain match. Pandita goes for a dive without realizing the chains are wrapped up in the ropes, and on landing, his arm nearly gets ripped off. It's an incredibly gross and dangerous spot to pull out in a sloppy worthless comedy match like this, but god bless Mitsunobu Kikuzawa (I am CERTAIN that it's him now) for committing. Of course, When Satan goes for a dive right after, Pandita immediately gets up and throws him off the top. The cool wrist-breaking spot doesn't actually matter. Nothing matters in this match.
Pandita wins after pantsing Satan and immediately school-boy'ing him. He then tries to steal Satan's shoes or something, I don't know.
God speed you, Rey Pandita.
Match Rating: Rey Pandita
Yusaku & Daisaku vs. Takashi Sasaki & Fushitori Karasu
Here's the show's obligatory DDT offer match, this time including the fresh-faced Karasu! He debuted on the last show in a god-awful tag featuring the two guys in this show's opener and another Hayabusa clone who will never appear again. He's teaming with Sasaki, a man who redeemed himself with an amazing tag last time, and they're taking on the Shimoda brothers. We haven't seen either of them since the first Onita Pro show, where both were mentally tortured by Rey Pandita. Hopefully they can do a better job this time around.
And they do! Kinda. Maybe? I don't know, this was really just a match. The Shimoda bros are cool here though. Yusaku is a big mean bully, and Daisaku... never actually gets to do anything. I think he does an arm-wringer to Karasu once and that's all we see. But still, Yusaku is here! I like Yusaku! Let's go Yusaku! He's definitely not as good as he'll get in the future (and he does a stupid DDT no-sell spot with Sasaki), but as a guy with less than two years of wrestling under his belt, he's awesome. The highlight of the whole match is him killing Karasu with a lariat.
Speaking of Karasu, let's talk about that bird freak. He's not very good. A lot of his basics are nonexistent, and he botches about as much as the two guys in the opener did. At the same time, I'm starting to see the vision with Karasu. Sure, he botches a lot, but man, he's great at dying. He hits an insane plancha on Yusaku which nearly sends him into the bleachers ribs-first. He goes for a diving splash and almost dies from spiking himself on his head. He also sells like a ragdoll, with lots of stumbling and crumbling, and he loves to go entirely still on the mat like he's been paralyzed. Watching Karasu is like watching one of those videos where a guy is walking on a rickety bridge across a canyon. You know that he probably won't actually die, but with every little gust of wind, every snappy swing of the rope bridge, you can't help but believe that you're about to see a death. Karasu puts a great deal of fear into me because one day he's gonna bump and not stand back up. And, in a way, that's more compelling than most other wrestling.
Takashi Sasaki is also here. He does some kicks or whatever. Yusaku wins with a Yusaku Clutch (the Batista Bite). I know I just talked a bunch about Karasu's strangely engrossing work, but this was still a generally nothing match. It wasn't bad, but I wouldn't try to recommend it to anyone.
Match Rating: C+
Miss Mongol & RIE vs. Misae Genki & Yoshiko Tamura
Onita Pro cards are incredibly predictable. Following the DDT offer match, we are given the obligatory joshi match. This has roughly been the format for the last three shows, and it will probably be the format for the next ten. I don't have any complaints, but I do think it's funny that Onita had a very clear template for all of his shows. This is the first show since the start of the series to not feature an FMW joshi reunion tag, and instead just a straight up normal wrestling tag. I say good to this, because the joshi reunion tags became stale fast. Mongol and RIE are both good. Genki and Tamura are also both good. I have a feeling this match will be good.
The results are in: it's good! Well, good enough at least. A fine little match here. RIE is by far the best part of the match, entirely because she fills the roles of victim and fighter very good. She does a good job of selling for Tamura and feeding for all of her spots, and works nicely with Mongol during their tandem attacks. However, on offense, RIE also delivers the goods, hitting a pretty nasty diving knee to the back of Genki's head, and generally moving at a great speed for all of her attacks. She's the lifeblood of the match, since everyone else is just intent on coming in and hitting moves without much care.
Genki is the best of the other three, simply because she's big and hit big wrestler moves like chokeslams and really loose backdrops. Tamura also hits cool moves like the cutter. Mongol is mostly non-existent but does hit a nice STO. I feel weird just listing moves here but I don't know what else to say. These three mostly exist to hit moves. Tamura sells alright and Mongol sells well in the finishing stretch, but really, there's not much else going on.
Genki wins the match for her team with the G-Driver. Again, this was fine. I feel like the way I wrote about it might make you think it's not good. It is! It's just incredibly surface-level and unambitious. It filled its spot on the card well enough, but it also never tried to excel in that position. It was a match that happened, and, in a way, that's a fate worse than being outright bad or bizarre. I will remember Pandita vs. Satan a year from now. I'm already having trouble remembering this match while finishing the write-up.
Match Rating: C+
Shigeo Kato & Shooter #2 vs. Exciting Yoshida & Sanshiro Takagi
Kato! Wow, I had no idea he would ever show up in Onita Pro. Kato is probably the biggest victim of WYF losing a semi-regular timeslot on Battle Station, because he's generally just a solid enough worker up until 1998. Around the start of 1999 though, Kato becomes this annoying little chickenshit heel, beginning his slow transformation into the Japanese indie Ric Flair. This is late 1999, so I have some expectations that he's already gonna be tapping into that role. He's with Shooter #2. I have no idea who this is. He's wearing the usual Shooter gear, except with a black Thrasher shirt on. I guess he likes skateboarding on his spare time or something, I don't know. Takagi and Yoshida really need no introduction; I've talked about each of them at least 3 times now.
Within 10 seconds, I realize that the referee is Yasuki Shino, the representative of NEO and one of the main heel figures in DDT around the time. I realize this because he does the fastest pinfall count I've ever seen that Takagi just barely kicks out of. I am now a happy man, because this is complete bullshit and I love complete bullshit. There's lots of awesome little moments with referee Shino being the most biased man alive, like when Shooter has Takagi in a weird camel clutch thing and Shino steps on Takagi's fingers as casually as possible. Shino is also carrying around a taser for the entire match, and any time Yoshida starts getting feisty on the apron, he walks over and starts waving the activated taser at Yoshida. It's all so stupid and such an egregious example of a referee being a biased piece of shit. I love it so much. Very rarely do I get to see Tirantes-ism in Japanese wrestling.
In terms of the actual wrestling, there's not much to talk about. Kato does some nice work, hitting a beautiful dropkick along with some deeply American moves like the Mr. Perfect neck snap. Yoshida's appearance halfway into the match has him spamming headbutts which is pretty awesome. Shooter #2 sucks, but he's also not in much. Takagi is probably the best worker overall, and gets to show his stuff with a really nice dropkick of his own. The highlight of the match, though, comes right near the end. Shino goes for a taser shot on Takagi, but Takagi dodges, making Shino accidentally tase Shooter. Takagi then goes for a stunner, and Shino botches it in such spectacular fashion that it really needs to be seen to be believed.
Takagi wins right after this with the Sanshiro Stunner 2000. I thought this was a pretty fun bullshit match. The match started to lose steam near the end (the complete silence from the crowd seemed to confirm we share that sentiment), but the finishing stretch was awesome in a car crash sort of way. Hopefully Shino reappears later on in the series and causes more trouble.
Match Rating: B-
Atsushi Onita, Katsuji Ueda, & Masashi Aoyagi vs. Nise Onita, Sambo Asako, & The Shooter #1
On the last Onita Pro show, Nise Onita was sacrificed to the gods by way of an Ueda mauling. Now, he is back again, teaming with regular mauling victim Sambo Asako and the unknown Shooter #1 to face his two biggest victimizers, along with his hero. It's gotta be awful to see your idol teaming up with your biggest enemies, especially when they all have the goal to kick your ass. How will Nise fare in this mental warfare?
Considering the first thing he does is the Onita jacket throw at a dumbfounded Onita, it seems he may be more mentally resilient than I'd given him credit for. He's certainly not any more physically resilient, because he dies here once again.
I'll be entirely frank: this is a mostly unnoteworthy match outside of the Onitas. Shooter exists to stop people from losing and then get thrown outside. Ueda and Aoyagi chain together combos and just beat people up. Asako gets about half a minute to shine against Onita, but he exclusively sells and is gone from the rest of the match after this. The Onitas are the stars though.
This is probably Nise Onita's best performance yet. I've talked before about his talent in emulation, but he's on an entirely different level here. He's selling like Onita would, but he's doing it to 150%. Every single strike thrown his way has him shaking and swaying like a stray dog in December. He writhes around in pain to the extent you'd almost think he's making a joke out of pain itself. He's beyond a tribute act of Onita here, getting extremely close to being a flat-out parody. And yet, there's so much genuine feeling behind all of it. That's probably why I find it possible to believe in it, to find real value in it. Nise may be working as an exaggerated Onita here, but he's still Toshiyuki Moriya, the world's greatest Onita fan, and beyond the hyperbole of the physical motions, there's a feeling of personal reality. Moriya bleeds and cries and screams because he's human, and that humanity is interlaced with his every movement. The passion behind everything he does is palpable, and it takes a performance that could be considered laughable and turns it into something commendable.
On the entire opposite side of the spectrum, Atsushi Onita is a monster in this match. Just because of his position as the perennial underdog of wrestling, we really don't have many Onita performances you could refer to as monstrous, but I feel like this is one of them. He doesn't bump, he doesn't sell, he doesn't take any sort of meaningful offense. Hell, he outright ignores shots from Asako and Nise at different points. He's fully in the zone beating those two within an inch of their lives. When Asako demands him to get in the ring, Onita responds by repeatedly headbutting him around the ring until Asako can no longer stand. Matched up against Nise, Onita immediately throws the doppelgänger to the floor and piledrives him to hell. The most telling moment in this match is soon after, when Onita punches Nise in the head over and over while Nise is on the apron, leading Nise to collapse back to the floor. Onita has always portrayed himself in the ring as a man who lacks the abilities of his peers but makes up for it with a mountainous amount of spirit. It's important to pay attention to the phrase "peers" though. Onita is weaker in ability compared to guys like Tenryu and Choshu, but so is everyone else in the world. Onita is still one of the strongest wrestlers on the planet, and this felt like a declaration from him of the pecking order in Onita Pro.
The match ends with Onita hitting a powerbomb on Nise, followed by a strike combo from Ueda, before Aoyagi finishes him off with a spinning heel kick. A fitting end to an impassioned performance from Nise. As a whole, this isn't really worth going out of your way to see. A lot of the action wasn't particularly enthralling, and 2/3rds of this match didn't inspire anything in me (even if I usually love Asako and Aoyagi). Still, the Onitas carry this into being a match I'd still call good, and if you think their performances sound at all interesting to you, I think you might enjoy checking the match out.
Match Rating: B-
Falls Count Anywhere Street Fight Death: Atsushi Onita, Mitsunobu Kikuzawa, Nobutaka Araya, Sambo Asako & Shigeo Okumura vs. Dr. Hannibal, Dr. Luther, Ichiro Yaguchi, Mr. Pogo & Shoji Nakamaki
After four months of battles and bloodshed, the Tenryu threat has been eliminated. Now, Onita must move towards the future by going to war with a face from his past. Mr. Pogo leads the new charge of enemies into Onita Pro (all four other guys on his team have already fought in Onita Pro) to try and defeat his greatest rival. This is the biggest match in Onita Pro yet, with ten people in total facing off. Also, this is the first Onita brawl to have no object-based stipulation. There's no barbed wire ropes, no explosives, nothing. It's just a classic falls count anywhere brawl.
This is probably the main reason why this match is my least favorite Onita Pro main so far. There's absolutely more to it than that, and this is still really fun, but comparing this match to everything else feels almost unfair. I feel like this match almost has a "too many cooks" kind of problem. There's so many guys trying to do different things that it goes beyond chaotic into feeling scattered and way less thought out. The loss of such a demanding figure like Tenryu also makes the heel group feel a lot less focused. Pogo is a good addition to the match, but he isn't trying to lead the charge or anything like that. All Pogo really does is concentrate on Onita, and for that matter, he mostly gets his ass kicked. Really, the only person I want to note from Pogo's team is Nakamaki, who sells like a motherfucker as usual. I feel like I haven't given him his flowers for his work in these matches, but really, he's a vital part of the formula, and he deserves his credit as a guy that bumps and sells big while also throwing a bunch of awesome headbutts.
The face team, sadly, is just as unnoteworthy. Okumura and Araya hit a cool superbomb/back suplex combination at one point, and that's really the only notably good thing either of them did. Kikuzawa and Asako barely ever show up on screen. This brawl is entirely focused on Onita, which I'm not really against since he puts in a great performance. He comes out with Great Nita half-paint and immediately mists Pogo upon the latter entering the ring. Onita spends this match being incredibly cool and incredibly funny at the same time. In-between the sick reckless brawling around Korakuen, Onita mists every single member of the other team except for Dr. Luther. He even mists Dr. Hannibal through Hannibal's chalk throw. He also does the Great Nita prancing around the ring and keeps headbutting people as he does it. Is this better than his performance in the last match? It's hard to say, since these two performances are so different in purpose and execution. What I can say though is that he didn't mist the entirety of the last match's team, so he gets some points for that here.
Eventually, Luther hits Kikuzawa with a liger bomb on a chair, and wins. This is the first time Onita has lost a main event in our series (he lost one earlier in the month on an untaped show), and it's because of LUTHER. Truly incredible stuff.
I have very little to say overall. Even with my problems with the match, this was still a good amount of fun, and featured a memorable Onita performance. Is it the only thing memorable about this match though? Sadly, I'd say so. For the first time in blog history, an Onita Pro show is going without a single A-rated match.
Match Rating: B
The decline in quality in Onita Pro main events is starting to worry me a little. I was fine with the second show's main being worse than the first, because that first main was one of the best matches I've ever seen. I was also okay with the third being worse than the second, since I felt that it was more representative of my personal preference for straight-up brawling rather than the dramatic explosion matches. I even understand why this was worse than the third (too many wrestlers to try and pay attention to, the loss of Tenryu). However, I'm beginning to worry this might be a trend, and I may have made a poor choice in committing myself to watch every Onita Pro show ever. I guess only time will tell.
Show Rating: C+
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