(Written by Jom)
Red Alert Nakano vs. Destroy Misaka
Nakano comes out in red tights (fitting for his name) and a t-shirt, while Misaka comes out in a full black suit. This guy is rocking a sleeveless black button down and a white tie, so I'm already kind of a fan. Almost immediately, Nakano comes in out of nowhere with a slingblade, and we're off to the races. The match is pretty intense the whole way through, with a big highlight being a strike exchange between Nakano's chops and Misaka's gu punches. Nakano is very much an indy style wrestler, while Misaka fits RAW perfectly with weird cheating moves like putting a black tube sock on Nakano's head to blind him. Misaka is actually able to get the upper hand towards the end, first hitting a fine spinning heel kick, then a pretty great axe kick, and finally finishing Nakano off with a good neckbreaker. This was fine, if unnotable and unmemorable, but I'll at least remember sleeveless button down Misaka.
Rating: don't cancel any visits to grandma for this match.
Ryusei Kawabata vs. Karasuno Sho
Both men are kickpad'd up in this match, and Karasuno is notable for our series as he's pretty much the ace of modern day RAW. This match starts out with some actually really great chain wrestling, with Karasuno at one point stepping on Kawabata's foot while holding him in a wrist lock, making it much harder for Kawabata to reverse. Kawabata isn't a slouch in the wrestling aspect either, eventually being able to hit a chop block on Karasuno and doing some really good leg targeting. Karasuno isn't just great at wrestling, he also throws some great shoot kicks to Kawabata's chest and back. Once again though, Kawabata is almost his equal there, doing a genuinely great yakuza kick. Karasuno eventually is able to take full control with a god damn rock bottom, one that was done extremely well might I add. He holds the advantage for a while with good kicks and knees before Kawabata is once again able to take back control with the leg targeting, putting in a great sharpshooter and transitioning it into an STF. Kawabata at one point goes for a yakuza, but upon seeing Karasuno raise his arms up to defend, stops himself and does a great low kick instead, but pushes his luck too far by backing up and going for a shining yakuza, allowing Karasuno to counter into his own STF. This leads to the end of the match, as Karasuno is able to connect with an absolutely vicious enzuigiri, before following up with his big curb stomp for the... 2.9??? Karasuno is NOT a fan of Kawabata kicking out of this, and immediately does that foot lift Aleister Black does into another, more vicious one, finally getting the win. This is the type of match that if it happened in a regular puro promotion, it would be talked about on twitter for a good little bit. However, the fact it happens in the ringless RAW really makes it even better for me, and I can't wait to see more work from both men.
Rating: well, maybe grandma can wait after all.
Another week, another SG Wonder main event. I swear to god I have this playlist on shuffle play and I'm just doing the first 3 matches that come up. Yanmani comes out in black pants and a black morph suit, while Wonder comes out once again in his shiny black pant and black long sleeve with white shirt on top, so this really does look like what RAW is all about. After some talking between the two men, the match begins, and honestly I have no clue what the rules are. I say this because almost immediately after the bell rings, Wonder says something, the announcers play a sound effect, announce Wonder as "out", and then some dude in giant black jacket and a CUTE CAT MASK comes out with a BASEBALL BAT, HITS WONDER ON THE ASS, AND THEN JUST LEAVES. I have absolutely no idea what just happened, but I'll just try to figure it out as the match goes on. They go to lock up and as they do Wonder says something again, which causes the sound effect to play. You can just see the terror on Wonder's face as he knows what's coming next. What he couldn't have known was that cat dude didn't come out with a baseball bat, but instead two giant silver block things, and just smashed Wonder from both sides with them. I guess the rule is "if you speak, the cat man cometh", which is a ruleset that should be done a lot more in the wider wrestling world. Wonder, based on his match with SAGAT last week, is a giant shit talker, so you can tell he really wants to talk but can't. He finally gets some revenge on Yanmani by pulling his chest hair out, making him yell and causing the cat man to come for him. Cat man comes out with a FUCKING BARBED WIRE BAT, and goes to hit a home run swing on Yanmani's head before turning it into a light bonk on the forehead with the back end of it. Yanmani says "ow" upon being hit, causing another sound effect play and the cat man to walk right back with the intention to hit him with the chest with the bat. Wonder finally takes this moment to shit talk. Poor Wonder, the fool doesn't realize that just because Yanmani is about to be hit doesn't mean he's free to talk. Cue one more sound effect play, and the cat man turns to Wonder, hitting him in the ass with the bat. This finally causes the cat man to leave, and they go back to their silent library wrestling match. There's a nice chop exchange which ends with Wonder hitting his great german suplex into a slam move. He tries to tell the ref something with pantomime, but the ref has literally no clue what he's trying to say. Wonder goes to the announcers and asks for a time-out. Sound effect plays, and Wonder looks like he's already dead inside. Cat man comes with a frog hand puppet, and chokes Wonder out with it mandible claw style. Yanmani seems to not have learned from Wonder's mistake and says something. Cat man actually leaves though, only to come back with a FUCKING MACE. He swings it at Yanmani and the fucking spiked ball breaks off and flies away, almost hitting an announcer in the face. This moment seems to signal the end of this portion of the match, as both men agree to finally just do a normal wrestling match. This normal match is actually pretty okay, with Wonder being obviously the better man in every way. Yanmani seems to realize this and just starts talking with Wonder. Based on the crowd's reaction, if I spoke Japanese I probably would've found this hilarious. Both men start throwing slaps and seemingly cursing each other out, and Wonder shoves the ref away while almost crying. And then, music starts playing. Ladies and gentlemen, THIS IS NOW A MUSICAL. BOTH MEN ARE DANCING THEIR HEARTS OUT. THEY GO ARM IN ARM, AND THEIR BOND IS HEALED ONCE MORE. THEY TURN AROUND AND PRANCE AWAY INTO THE SUNSET. THE BELL RINGS, THIS MATCH IS A DOUBLE COUNTOUT AND THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP IS THE WINNER. THIS IS PRO WRESTLING.
Rating: I thought the terrifying cat man would be the craziest part of this match. I was wrong. I love SG Wonder. I love RAW. I love pro wrestling.
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