Monday, March 29, 2021

Monday Night RAW #5

     (Written by Jom)

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to MONDAY... NIGHT... RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

       So, I know this is like two weeks late, but I have a great explanation for this. You see, 

    These two both gave me good impressions last time I saw them, so just based on the names I was very interested. Misaka is dressed the same as he was last time, very nice black clothes with a sleeveless button-up, but Sawa this time has no shirt and is wearing mma gloves. Sawa, just like last time, is a pretty solid shooter-type technical guy, putting on some really clean submissions and just being very slick with all of his takedowns. Misaka, also like last time, is just an absolute little mark, hitting a bunch of American-style moves and WWE finishers like the scissors kick and stunner, while also yelling "DESTROYY" before most of them. Both guys even continue their heel ways that we had seen in their previous matches on the series, as after the first exchange they both go for a handshake, before then both trying to cheap shot the other. I love it when two little shits fight each other and find camaraderie in their absolute asshole behavior. Sawa makes use of those gloves multiple times throughout the match, throwing potatoes like a mad man which Misaka responds to with some actually pretty good Funk-style punches. Now, I'm not really sure if it was the punches, the shenanigans, or the general wrestling that caused this, but for the entire match the crowd of fellow wrestlers was just so fucking into everything. They usually are, but this time it felt like they were having the time of their lives, and it made the contest that much better. Besides all that I can't really say much happens, but god damn was it so much fun. Misaka wins with a very nice neckbreaker (which he yells "DESTROYYY" before doing because of course he does), and after calls out someone on the mic. Turns out this person is literally across the room so he gets up and they start hate brawling, and after they get seperated another dude just runs over and jumping kicks Misaka, which I fucking died laughing at. Misaka finally gets on the mic one more time after this and tells people to go see him at fellow kusa promotion NKW along with Mr. Money (someone I hope to talk about here very soon), before throwing the mic down which causes it to have a seizure and bust everyone's ears. Misaka gets booed out of the building for this. This was such a strange match, as if this crowd wasn't there it would've been just another mid-level amateur match. However, the fact everyone watching was so fucking ecstatic to be there made this so much more enjoyable.

Rating: DESTROYYY

Norio Rikimaru vs. Kaijin Yanmani

    KAIJIN TIMEEEEEEE. You know it's about to be a good match when our favorite backpack-full-of-weapons black morph suit gawd walks out. Rikimaru looks like an actual indy worker, he's a pretty big dude who comes out in a robe and is wearing a black sleeveless shirt and shiny black and red pants with "MR ARROGANCE" on the back. Rikimaru is way stronger than Yanmani, pretty much manhandling him throughout the match while Yanmani finds advantages using his technical prowess and his backpack full of trusty whatever-the-fucks. These random items range from a bag full of candy, to a flyswatter, to even his trusty PSP, which he of course uses for his signature PSP chops. Rikimaru is able to dominate on Yanmani with nice moves like a back suplex, an Oklahoma stampede across the building (I guess RAW boys love this spot which, to be fair, I do too), and even a nice blue thunder bomb. Honestly however, he doesn't do a lot for me, as a lot of his offense feels pretty "do your moves"-ish. What I mean is that a lot of the time, no matter how the match is flowing, Rikimaru will always just hit a couple strikes, do a power move, and then one grounded attack before going for a cover. I'm not sure how many times he did this, but it was enough to be noticeable to me and just felt a little lazy. Yanmani isn't one to be lazy however, and is always there to interrupt his control segments with some very good weapons-based offense or genuinely good wrestling moves like a snap suplex. The match ends when Rikimaru hits Yanmani over the head with an XBOX (OW), before putting Yanmani in a submission. Yanmani crawls over, grabs what I assume was the XBOX (the camera didn't follow it close enough), and hits Rikimaru over the head as a receipt before hitting a piledriver onto the game consoles and finally connecting with a spinning backfist hold what seemed to be a controller for the three count. I think this is definitely the least good Yanmani match yet, but considering how much I've loved the last couple I've seen, this still ends up being a pretty fun match.

Rating: for the Yanmani completionist (which should be everyone)

Karasuno Sho vs. Yujiro Yamamoto

    No, I'm not joking and it's not just a case of someone having the same name. The ace of RAW is here and he's taking on one of Yuki Ishikawa's last Battlarts boys and the owner of BAP, Yujiro fucking Yamamoto. RAW's had some very strange and awesome guests, particularly indy shooters (who we will one day get to), and seeing any Yamamoto match from recent times is always a treat. Yamamoto even comes out with only kickpads, following the RAW code of conduct. No shoes, no shooting motherfucker. Both guys are very snug in all the grappling done, which makes sense considering how good they are at shoot-style working. A lot of the mat work is really smart too, both guys are great at going for holds while also trying to stop the other person from putting holds in themselves. Sho is definitely not here to make friends, using eye gouging and Yamamoto's repeated attempts to show respect to take advantage. Yamamoto, meanwhile, slowly comes to realize that not only will Sho not be respectful, but also that he should be disrespectful in response, going into segments of the match where he just pulverizes Sho with some mean bullying stomps and limb-bending. They do a couple great strike exhanges, mostly doing forearms but also throwing some loud chest kicks. Sho is really good at adding character behind a lot of what he does, hitting some really creative variations of classic maneuvers, such as a basic ankle slam being turned mid-air into an elbow drop to Yamamoto's leg. The ending segment of the match is also awesome, Sho and Yamamoto go into one more sweet forearm exchange that ends in Yamamoto pretty much disregarding Sho entirely and trying to talk to the crowd. Sho doesn't take kindly to this, and connects with a gross as hell cartwheel kick, a suplex gutbuster à la YAMATO, and a great curb stomp for a nearfall. He then hits the uranage side slam he'd been looking for the entire match, once again getting a nearfall. He backs up and goes for some type of cartwheel move, but Yamamoto rushes him and puts in a sleeper, before both men hit roundhouse kicks to the head. Yamamoto somehow stays standing, and takes advantage of Sho being on one knee by connecting with a sweet running knee for one more nearfall. Yamamoto immediately grabs him and rolls through into a double arm lock, which finally gets him the submission victory. Both guys went out there to deliver an intense battle and they absolutely did, pulling out all the stops to beat the other person. If you want to see a stiff, no ring war, this is exactly the match you'll wanna watch.

Rating: violence is king, forever and always


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